A Balancing Act - Why I Don't Appreciate a Lot of Mom Advice

We've all heard the phrases.

Enjoy it while it lasts. They grow up so fast.

They're only little once.

Ignore the laundry. Spend time with your child. The house doesn't need to be spotless.

These phrases are all true, and well-meaning. I don't mean to contradict them entirely, but I found them frustrating and un-helpful in the beginning. Why? Let's break each one down, and talk through why it's true, and how we can use these phrases properly without letting them steal our joy.

Enjoy it while it lasts. They grow up so fast.

Okay. This is true. I can't believe how big my little girl is getting. She doesn't look anything like how she did when she was two months old, and sometimes I already miss the newborn stage, although in a lot of ways I love this stage so much more, and do not want to go back to the feeding struggles she had then.

I think the reason why this advice is hard for me to hear is that it makes me feel a little panicked. Like she's slipping away so fast. How will I know that I'm enjoying her enough. What if I could do a better job of enjoying this stage? What if I'm stressed or exhausted today? The truth is, the early days were so hard that I didn't enjoy many aspects of them, but that never caused me to stop enjoying her. It was just everything surrounding the newborn phase that was bothersome.

I prefer to focus on enjoying the sweet moments in the midst of the chaos knowing that there are hundreds of precious moments, and each moment is an exciting experience in the journey of her young life. Each moment takes me closer to the loss of my sweet baby, but each moment takes me closer to the beautiful woman God intends for her to be. I hold the loss, the gift, and expectation all in my hands at once. With every grief, there is also joy. I let go of one, to embrace what is next.

They're only little once.

It would be weird if they were little twice. Wouldn't it? Just Kidding... but in all seriousness, this is similar to the above reminder. God has entrusted her to my care now. And one day she will become the woman that God has called her to become, and that will involve me giving up my responsibility for her and giving her into the arms of her loving Heavenly Father. She's not mine to hold on to anyway. But I am so grateful for and cherish each day with her.

Furthermore, mom, it is okay if you are desperately wishing that a sleepless night ends. I was told to try to enjoy my child while she was screaming in a panic because she was sleep deprived and sick. No. I wouldn't wish that night back for anything. It was horrible. I will stick with the moment I have right now. The moment when my little one-year-old, now able to sleep a little better with help, was building with Duplo blocks this morning and made a huge face when she fit the blocks together. These moments are the reward for those sleepless nights and exhausting early days. The newborn stage is hard. There's no way around it. And admitting that doesn't take away the beauty of the sweet moments.

Ignore the laundry. Spend time with your child. The house doesn't have to be spotless.

Okay...but have you ever actually ignored the laundry for a week? And then, how does week two go? How about week three? Sooner or later, you're out of underwear, and you can't go anywhere because the only thing you have to wear is a sack. At that point, there is such a huge pile that you will have to get a babysitter to come watch your child, just so you can spend a marathon working through the mountain. Wouldn't it be better to throw a load in once a day, and fold it during a nap?

Let me caviot what I am about to say. I am a (mostly) stay at home mom with one child. I do not know what it is like to have a lot of children and to be juggling a full-time job. You may need to outsource your laundry. I don't know. But I will say that for me, one of the best favors I can do myself is to be diligent to stay on top of the laundry. Here's my schedule:

1. Change sheets Mondays.

2. One load Tuesdays. Folding after child is down for a nap if possible. (I wind down with a show while I fold and drink some tea.)

3. Put away Tuesdays load on Wednesday. Put in another load. Fold after child goes down for a nap again.)

4. Put away Wednesdays load on Thursday morning. Put in another load. Fold after child goes down for a np again.

5. Repeat on Friday.

6. Iron on Saturday.

7. Sunday. Rest.

I like this pattern because it's a little bit here and there, which is sometimes a lot easier when you have a small child. Also, I enjoy folding laundry. (Maybe I'm crazy) so I actually look forward to doing it while I watch a show in the afternoons. It just works for me. I was doing it in the evenings after my daughter goes to bed for the night, but I started to stay up a tad too late, and then have trouble getting up in the morning, so more recently, I've been trying for naptime.

Housework can be a little bit complicated, but the same principle remains. When it comes to clutter especially, letting it go can really create chaos and overwhelm. While the house doesn't have to be spotless, putting everything in it's place before bedtime snacks and stories is a great idea. I also stay up after the baby goes to bed, and I reset the downstairs for the coming day. I have a weekly checklist. Here's how it looks:

Weekly List:

One downstairs thing each afternoon during naptime. Tuesday afternoons One upstairs thing.

• Enhance decor somewhere.

• Clean bathroom

• Vacuum library

• vacuum living room rug and couch

• sweep and mop wood floors

• sweep and mop kitchen floor

• organize something

• clean up outside

• Pick one upstairs thing to do - dust, vacuum, vacuum stairs with hose vacuum.

I clean downstairs after my daughter goes to bed. One thing I have had to realize is that I don't have to dust and vacuum the whole house every week. I focus on the main living areas, and get the other ones thoroughly a little bit at a time.

The bottom line is, there is balance between time spent cleaning and time spent with my girl. What a blessing to wait until she goes to bed to clean and to spend focused time with her every day!

By doing one thing each day and tidying each evening, I also find that the house is never spotless, but always decent. So any day of the week, I feel confident that I can have someone over on the spur of the moment without being embarrassed. I've been complimented many times on how reasonable the house is. Though, it really never looks as good all at once as my friends' homes do, honestly. Honestly, I'd be hard pressed to find a family that has more fun being together than we do though, and isn't that what really matters?

Final takeaways

My dear Mama, enjoy each moment with your child that you are able to, but don't hesitate to get away and relax when you feel you would like to. Realize that each moment with your child is a gift. And that they are quickly growing into who God wants them to be. Look forward with expectation but enjoy this moment because it is precious.

Focus the first part of your day on time journaling and with God. Relax and enjoy your surroundings.

Then, focus on your husband and children if he starts his day with you (My husband is already at work when I get up.)

Pick a moment to do one deep clean thing each day.

Then close out the day steadily working to reset the house for the coming day.

Don't let things fall apart. Think of the saying "Slow and steady wins the race."

Rest. regroup. Try again.

Or don't. These are all just my current suggestions. They could change tomorrow. I want to give you permission to do whatever is reasonable and sustainable.

And all...to the praise and glory of God and the blessing of your home and community.

Take care, Mama. You're doing great.